My Birth Story with Duke
My birth story with Duke started differently than Otis. With Otis I went into labor on my own and with Duke I was induced 1 week before my due date. Both were equally incredible experiences. I feel these moments are forever embedded into my memory. What a time to be pregnant during a global pandemic because of Covid-19 and also deliver a baby during this time. I will say my experience at the hospital was incredible and we felt 100% cared for and safe. Keep reading below for the story of Duke’s birthday. Leading up to birthLet’s rewind back to my 37 week appointment. At this appointment, I had my first cervix check and was at 2cm dilated, 70% effaced, and -2 station. My doctor also discussed with me that she wanted to induce me 1 week early at 39 weeks based on my 2 risk factors being age and IVF. Since I was already dilated and progressing on my own, we both agreed that induction would be a great option since my body was already naturally preparing for birth as well. WILD!! I didn’t think we would be scheduling an induction but I felt comfortable knowing my body was already on its way. At my 38 week appointment, I was at 3cm dilated, 70% effaced and -2 station but with a very engaged head. My dr gently stretched my cervix (not a full membrane sweep) to help get things rolling. I was starting to get excited and nervous at the same time wondering if the baby was going to show up before my induction or not! Otis was 4 days early but I was much more dilated this time earlier so it was all up in the air. I think because the idea of induction being different from going into labor naturally was a new idea for me, I was a bit more nervous leading up to it. But, it was also a very great thing to have the luxury of planning with Otis and to prep him for birth and us being away. The night I came home from my 38 week appointment and cervix stretch, I lost my mucus plug. So the wait was on and luckily I made it to my induction date! July 7, 2021 / 12:30 AM – InductionOur induction was scheduled for 12:30 AM on 7/7/21 so basically the middle of the night. I had to call 2 hours ahead of time to make sure they had beds available and confirm we could come in. So we called at 10:30 and crossed our fingers and were happy to find out, IT WAS GAME TIME. Our friend came over to swap in for Otis duty and we grabbed our hospital bags and we were OFF! Since we were vaccinated, we did not need to do a covid test for the hospital so that was very nice. If so, we would have done one in advance of our induction. Since last time I was in active labor, going to the hospital not in active labor was different. I was also strep b positive, I needed to get my IV right away to start my antibiotics to protect baby before birth. So by 1:17am, my IV was done and they had drawn my blood for our cord blood kit (we did CBR again to collect cord blood and tissue and we did the same with Otis.) We then waited to finish some antibiotics before starting anything else. At this point, I was 3.5 cm dilated and 80% effaced. A nice thing was because we were both vaccinated, we didn’t have to wear a mask in our delivery or postpartum rooms. Only when we were in the hospital hallways. Since the rules were constantly changing I didn’t know what to expect but that was a nice surprise. July 7, 2021 / 2:37 AM – PItocinWe started my pitocin at 2:37 am. This was the medication that would jump start my contractions to continue my dilation and get labor started etc. I wasn’t feeling much for a while. Just waiting… to see when things would pick up. At 3:27 am they increased my pitocin. I started to feel contractions but nothing major and mostly just discomfort. At 6:06 am, we increased my pitocin again. I was contracting every 3-4 minutes and feeling them more and was not able to rest at all at this point from the discomfort. I was still around the same dilation etc and the nurses informed me that anesthesia was going into a planned c-section so the plan would be to call them in when they were finished. I was ready. My blood pressure was a little bit on the low side so the plan was to get some more fluids before anesthesia came to do my epidural. So at 8:07 am I got my last big dose of fluids before getting my epidural. July 7, 2021 / 8:34 AM – EpiduralI had ZERO birth plan except for deliver a healthy baby and have a healthy mama… and get the epidural if I could! So now that I was in alot of pain and discomfort, it was time to call in Anesthesia. I WAS READY. This time around, everything was going ok but while we were doing my actual epidural and he was placing everything properly, I started to feel like I was going to pass out. Since my blood pressure was so low, I was in bad shape. I thought I was going to pass out on the floor. This was the opposite of my first epidural experience with Otis but let me tell you, it was NOT fun. Finally everything was placed and in and I was just glad it was over. I had ice on my forehead and started to feel better. I was just happy to know my epidural was in and now it could GET BUSY. July 7, 2021 / 9:20 AM – Break my waterThe laborist on call was able to come and break my water at this time. This is what would speed up and intensify my contractions to help dilate me quicker. Everything went fine and with my epidural, it was easy. No real pain just pressure and done. July 7, 2021 / 10:05 AM – Cervix Check and Bloody ShowAround this time, we did a cervix check and I was already at 5cm. So this was great news that I was progressing. I also had what they call my “bloody show” so the nurse said this was all good signs pointing toward labor. At this point, my contractions were starting to get way more intense and it was a little strange because I was feeling A LOT and still very uncomfortable. I told the nurses about it… didn’t think much of it. They pushed the button on my epidural to get some more medicine flowing. In hindsight, I should have called the anesthesiologist back. Basically my epidural was NOT working well… I mean maybe it was working a tiny bit.. But essentially I was still feeling everything. July 7, 2021 / 10:43 AM – OMG I am in so much painUm wow. Things progressed VERY quickly. From 10:05 to 10:43 am I went to 8cm and 90% effaced and 0 station. I was feeling ALOT of pressure which is why the nurses checked me again. When I tell you I was in so much pain… I was gripping the bed basically laying sideways telling the nurse I didn’t think my epidural was working. The pain was INTENSE and I was moaning… it was.. Not how I envisioned feeling with my epidural. HA! July 7, 2021 / 10:55 AM – GO TIME!!!I was feeling MISERABLE and in so much pain and had so much INTENSE pressure in my lady parts. I had to tell the nurse I literally felt like the baby was coming. They checked me again and she said, “YOU ARE READY!!!” Holy crap in 10 minutes I had gone to 10cm and was ready to push. At this point, I was having such intense pelvic pressure constantly. They called my dr to come immediately. She was at her office which was a 5 minute drive. The nurses were bustling around the room getting everything together. No one envisioned me getting to 10 cm this quickly so everyone was rushing to get things prepped and ready. We kept losing the baby’s heart rate on the monitor because he was just so low trying to get OUT. It was INSANE. I was basically holding my legs together afraid that the baby was literally going to come out. My epidural felt non existent and it was never able to catch up. I think at that moment, I realized that hey… this was happening whether or not my epidural was working. My dr arrived soon and I could barely focus at this point from the pain. Once she was ready and in position, I basically pushed for 3 contractions (each time pushing 3x) and baby was out in less than 5 minutes!! HOLY CRAP!!!!! Blake was trying to coach me to help me with my breathing and pushing because I just couldn’t focus so I feel I likely could have pushed him out faster if I was more focused but WOW. He came so fast and all of a sudden… he was here!!!!!!!!! July 7, 2021 / 11:20 AM – Happy Birthday Duke Ray LapidesDuke Ray Lapides was born at 11:20 am at 7lbs 4oz and 19 inches long. His cord was wrapped around his neck when he came out but my dr worked fast and all of sudden my baby was on my chest and I am telling you whether you have had a baby before, it’s one of the most life changing, mind blowing things to ever happen to me. Ever. The shock of baby finally being on the outside, here, breathing and moving on my chest… it’s just one of my life’s most powerful moments. I had a very small tear so after delivering the placenta, I got stitched up and then we were done. RecoveryWe got to snuggle our special guy for some uninterrupted time before the nurses came back to measure him, and do their tests etc. We got rolled to our recovery room and I was able to breastfeed right away which was incredible. The second time around I felt a sense of calm and confidence when it came to approaching breastfeeding and it went so smoothly and I am SO thankful that it did. I will say that the uterus cramping second time around was a lot more intense. Especially when breastfeeding the cramps were really bad. I made sure to constantly stay on top of my pain meds (rotating motrin and tylenol) and not miss any doses. Second time around though, we were ready to get home to Otis. We stayed in the hospital for a little over 24 hours to ensure Baby Duke was healthy and ready and I was medically cleared. After being home, I stayed consistent with my pain meds and for the first 2 weeks the pain and cramping was worse than I remembered with Otis. But it was all signs that my uterus was shrinking back down to its normal size. I actually stopped bleeding between 2 to 3 weeks postpartum which was amazing. All in all the worst part of the recovery tends to be a quick blur thankfully at least for me. I had to include this side by side picture of Otis and Duke in the hospital. Love seeing how similar their sweet faces were at that newborn moment! So there you have it. Happy Birthday sweet little Duke. After the years of struggling with fertility, I have this overwhelming sense of peace leaving that chapter behind us and moving forward with our lives. This past week I was able to stop by my fertility clinic with notes and a small gift physically and figuratively say goodbye to this intense chapter in our lives. It has been filled with some of the darkest moments of my life, but also some of my brightest. I will forever be grateful to modern medicine for aiding us in our journey to become a family of 4. For anyone struggling with infertility, my heart aches with you. I know it’s a tough road no matter what your struggles are but I want you to know you are not alone. Linking my IVF related articles below. I shared a pretty in depth look at our process and I hope it might help to support you if you need it. I wrote a few posts on infertility and IVF and you can find them below: Prepping for FET (frozen embryo transfer) Preparing for IVF egg retrieval How to support a friend going through IVF Covid-19 Cancelled My Embryo Transfer Failed IVF Frozen Embryo Transfer FAILED FROZEN EMBRYO TRANSFER #3 – FAILED IVF IVF FET ROUND 4 (THIRD TIMES THE CHARM) IM PREGNANT! The post My Birth Story with Duke appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides. Via Wellness http://www.rssmix.com/via Blogger http://kurtxwarren.blogspot.com/2021/09/my-birth-story-with-duke.html September 14, 2021 at 03:12PM
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Riddled with Wonder: How to Incorporate Koan Meditation into Your Practice and Your Life
By Dr. Kaiya Ansorge What is a koan? A koan is a phrase or word that is used in meditation to train the mind. Usually, the koan is somewhat puzzling in order to invite the mind to open in unusual ways. In fact, the term is often translated as “riddle.” Koan literature involves enigmatic sayings or questions that, when meditated upon continuously, are meant to resolve in specific ways that indicate the path of insight for the initiate. On the other hand, other traditions assert that koans are not meant to be resolved but are instead ways to open us to a contemplative relationship with ephemera in the mind—rather than rational, problem-solving approaches. The history and development of koan meditation is complex and reaches back to ancient China. However, this form of meditation can be modified to help those of us who are not planning to become Buddhist monks or scholars. We can use koans in their original formulations, or we can develop forms inspired by that practice but that are applicable and relevant to modern life, such as video meditations. Why practice koan meditation? The main reason to practice koan meditation is because we all practice it every day without awareness that we are doing so. All of us have thoughts—even if we think in images. These thoughts function in much the same way as a koan. Whether we consciously choose our thoughts or we unconsciously do so, we are in a continual process of training our minds. The stories and thoughts that we tell ourselves are the ones that we increasingly believe. Koan meditation brings our awareness to this process and invites us to explore further. Koan meditation slowly teaches us how to choose, question, and transform our perception of the world. However, this is not hypnosis: rather than putting us to sleep, koan practice wakes us up to a larger, more beautiful reality. Some traditions assign a lifelong koan. The cognate of this for non-monastics is that each of us is “assigned” a specific dilemma or approach to life at birth or through early trauma/socialization. Most of us will have more than one koan that has arrived and situated itself in our preconscious mind. These range from “you are not good enough,” “you are too much,” even “I hate you,” or “you shouldn’t have been born” all the way to “freedom,” “love,” “joy,” or “you are made of love.” These voices within our mind can be explored and dismantled if they are detrimental and then replaced by ones that are natural to the divine nature within each of us. The degrading messages are always from an early hurt. The messages that feel freeing—or like a peaceful home—are the ones that are true to our nature. How can you incorporate koan meditation into your practice? Steps for koan meditation 1. Choose how you would like to practice. Would you like to do a seated, lying down, or walking meditation? You may even choose a non-traditionally Buddhist practice such as swimming or writing meditation. Many Buddhists use koans as a continual contemplation throughout their regular daily activities. 2. Choose a koan. You may use a traditional koan such as “What is the sound of one hand clapping?” Or you may want to try koans you discover via a source such as Moti Media’s video series on koan meditation. Or you may choose a poem or a phrase that you want to move from your mind to your entire being. Affirmations and prayers are potent with this practice. Here is a list of koan sources and ideas: – Traditional sources are the “Blue Cliff Record” (Pi-yen lu) and “The Gateless Gate” (Wu-men kuan). – Poems by Mary Oliver are especially helpful for those who practice in nature. – Choose prayers from your religious background or, even better, from another religion in order to expand your consciousness and challenge it in a way that mystify you and open you to new vistas. – A new way to engage koan meditation is through short exploratory videos such as “What’s There?” “Pursuit of Heavens,” and “Cycle.” 3. Gently rest your mind on your chosen koan as you meditate. 4. When you notice your mind drifting from the koan, you may follow the thoughts but with awareness, or you may return your thoughts gently to the koan. I find it helpful to mix these two approaches: as my mind explores the trajectories of the koan I watch, but if I find myself wandering off-topic or toward judgmental trajectories, I acknowledge the stray thoughts, thank them, and return to the koan. 5. As you watch your thoughts around the koan, allow yourself to notice those thoughts while cultivating interest and releasing judgment. Rhythmic, gentle breathing helps us transition our judgmental or anxious thoughts into a pattern of calming embrace and release. 6. As you close your session, offer gratitude or love to the koan, to your mind, and finally to your body for this session. Life is made of koans. These koans come to us in the form of personal, interpersonal, and cultural tensions and puzzles. By learning how to work with koans in meditation, we begin to translate our approach to the challenges of our own lives through this lens. Koan practice also trains our minds to be flexible and creative, thus imparting flexibility and creativity towards our lives as challenges arise. This type of mindfulness-training delivers us into an unexpected curiosity, freedom, and joy in the midst of life’s dilemmas and challenges: in other words, we become riddled with wonder. —————-- Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Dr. Kaiya Ansorge. Kaiya is academically trained in psychology, philosophical theology, and religion. She teaches at the University of South Dakota. Because Kaiya loves to explore the spirituality of place, she has lived, studied, written, and traveled her way through 24 countries, spread across 5 continents. Her previous works include The Nature of Miracle, The Relationship between the Word and the Thing, “How to Use the 7 Chakras to Get in Touch with Personal Vitality,” and “Ascension: a Different Kind of Gravity.” Kaiya has appeared in Theology Today, Daily Cup of Yoga, Your Motivational High 5, and on Sunny 93.3, South Dakota Public Radio, and KELO-TV. You can find her through her website or through Facebook. Via Wellness http://www.rssmix.com/via Blogger http://kurtxwarren.blogspot.com/2021/09/riddled-with-wonder-how-to-incorporate.html September 09, 2021 at 11:12AM
Out of the Darkness and Into the Light: How My Military Transition Helped My Yoga Practice in the Pandemic
Starting in 2013, I’ve been practicing regularly at the same hot yoga studio two to three times per week. Hot yoga gives me intensity, focus, mindfulness, and dripping heat you feel in your bones even in the dead of winter. While holding a complicated pose well past your comfort zone, you start to comprehend all those buzzwords you’ve heard tossed around. The point where you are working mind, body, and soul. Where you forget your own name and everything else that led you to the class because if you waver, you might fall down in a puddle of sweat. It’s a glorious way to exercise the warrior that needs to push to the edge and just flow. So my confession of the pandemic…I haven’t stepped foot inside a yoga studio since March 2020. That’s crazy talk! Just writing about it, I’m aching to be back. But the other part of me says, I’m not ready. And I’m giving myself the space to be ready. To be clear, I’m all about the yoga, and the heat, but I’m not ready to practice with other people again. Because throughout the past year and some months, I’ve been in my room, exploring different yoga routines remotely, sometimes cold, never breaking a sweat or remembering to breathe deeply. A very different sort of yoga than my group sessions. And as a former soldier, it reminded me of another time in my life, transitioning out of the military into the civilian world. Here are a few ways I used my military experience to keep me motivated on my mat: It’s a Group Thing Until It’s Not Group exercise is common in the military. It’s part of the success as our drill sergeants build us up into the fine specimens we all are. From the very beginning of our basic training, we learn to do things together and follow instructions. Running with a cadence helped me shave five whole minutes off my two-mile run, as I was filled with the baritone of the “Hard work, work,” echoed by a band of high-speed, low-drag trainees. In yoga, that energy builds throughout the class and even when I wanted to give up, I feel the collective will of others helping me through. “Lion’s breath,” anyone? I observe others manipulate their bodies into impossible beauty, and I find a way. When it’s just me, I’m using a pre-recorded class to try and build that energy. It’s harder to go it alone, whether running or practicing yoga. Once I started, I could keep going and I could increase the intensity if that was the right thing for me. This was the Starbucks of Yoga, where I could customize exactly what I had in me to do that day. And I did. To be clear, I had to use every ounce of what I learned with technique from my other teachers to avoid injuries at home and overdoing it. But overdoing it wasn’t usually my issue―it was half-hearted under-doing it. I remember my instructors from my studio classes saying “Leave it all on the floor.” I was used to a puddle. Now without it, on those cold winter days, I had to remind myself of what exactly I left on the mat and I didn’t have to pick it up. In the height of the pandemic, a lot of nervous anxiety and not knowing what was next. Thank you, yoga! Just like in the transition from the Army, we may be going it alone at times, but the lessons we learned together can still carry us through. Just showing up was the hardest step for me. Adapt to New Surroundings Swearing in to the Army, I learned the mantra “hurry up and wait.” Closely followed by, “embrace the suck.” I did both during this past year. I specifically used the ability to adjust to my work-from-home job and maintain a daily activity schedule. This wasn’t my first rodeo working out solo with apps. Before the pandemic, I traveled a lot for work and used various apps for whatever workout I was going to do. Yoga is the perfect post-flight activity in a hotel room. I already paid for a subscription to multiple platforms because I get bored easily. But in quarantine, working out remotely every day made this much harder. I signed into studios I attended in multiple states. I did guided meditations. I worked out outside a lot. Yoga HIIT/ Sculpt meant tiring out quickly then laying down with 15-minute savasana staring up at blue skies and the puffiest of clouds. My favorite location was the abandoned Gaga ball pit I dubbed the “Octagon” at a nearby school with a softer pad for my knees. Yin yoga became a way to relieve the pressure on joints from my stand-up desk and the new arrangement working from home. I bought a cushion to ensure it was a studio-like experience and I could fully relax into the dull pain. Yoga Nidra was me finding that safe place I can go to in my mind at any time with guided meditation. For those who need the mental health benefits more than anything else, this was pure rejuvenation—and I do not write that word lightly. It was beautiful restoration. Community is Real – Virtual or Not I wrote about how difficult it was going solo in my practice, but I wasn’t completely alone. Part of the way through the pandemic, I realized that I could start to follow some of my favorite yoga instructors on Instagram the same way I connected to my favorite veteran authors or creators. My community of yogis just opened up in the exact same way as my veteran community. As I started connecting with all their projects and free classes and meditations, I asked myself, Why hadn’t I thought of this before? My isolation in practice was an important step in understanding my own strength. But so was hearing how others were dealing with something similar when I finally connected to other yogis. My yoga practice is a sacred thing where I connect to a very deep part of myself. Connecting to remote instructors outside of my local yoga community wasn’t something I thought of doing every day before the pandemic. With the success of connecting to other veterans, I needed this boost to grow with other virtual yoga community members―and why not with my veteran yoga community all at once? Now that’s synergy (the last buzzword, I promise!). ——————-- Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Alicia Dill, an award-winning author, Army veteran, journalist, and yoga enthusiast. Originally from Missouri, Dill joined the Iowa Army National Guard at the age of 17, right before 9/11, and flew her first mission inside a Chinook helicopter as a journalist to Fort McCoy, Wisconsin, the weekend after the Twin Towers fell. Dill then received a degree in journalism and international studies at the University of Iowa and a masters from the University of Dubuque, and served as a public affairs specialist for the Iowa Army National Guard and then a journalist for multiple Iowa newspapers. As an author, she writes thrillers that draw from her military experience and speak to the strong bonds between sisters in uniform. Her first book, Squared Away, was a 2020 International Next Generation Indie Book Award winner and a finalist for the National Indie Excellence Award, and her second, Beyond Sacrifice, will be published September 7, 2021 from Circuit Breaker Books. For more, see www.aliciadill.com. Via Wellness http://www.rssmix.com/via Blogger http://kurtxwarren.blogspot.com/2021/09/out-of-darkness-and-into-light-how-my.html September 02, 2021 at 11:29AM
Beach Picnic Baby Shower Sprinkle
For baby #2, I knew I would not do a big shower again but after everything we went through to get to this point, I know I wanted to celebrate this life we have worked so hard to create. My one friend had always envisioned a little beach picnic celebration and the idea kind of stuck as something we both dreamt about as I went through fertility treatment. With the pandemic still looming, I knew whatever I did would be a TINY outdoor celebration with my fully vaccinated friends (and sister). When I brought the idea up, my sweet friends just took over the party planning reins and surprised me with such a beautiful day. They set up this chic little beach picnic with some of my favorite things. Sandwiches and food from my favorite french bakery, Cest Si Bon, charcuterie board from Charcutereats, and a cake and cookies from one of my favorite bakeries, SusieCakes. When I walked up to the the table though, the things that melted my heart was the table decor. My friend had Otis color some rainbows and used them as a decor element with some dried florals on the plates. MY HEART BURST. My photographer and dear friend Felicia also has a floral business called Anthurium Untold and did the floral design for the tables. PoppyJackShop did some of the other decor pieces as well which was special since she has been a part of many of my special events. We ate, we laughed, and we stuck our toes in the sand. It was truly a perfect day celebrating this sweet little baby boy. Linking all the beautiful details below. Anything that I don’t link below are vintage pieces that my friends personal collection of decor. Outfit Kim // Dress: LNA / cardigan: astars woman / sunglasses: rayban Outfit Otis // shirt: old navy / shorts: target / hat: reytoz (EATSLEEPWEAR10 for 10% OFF ) / sunglasses: real shades Outfit Blake // shirt: xx / shorts: xx / sunglasses: rayban Event DetailsPhotography: Felicia / Florals: Anthurium Untold / Charcuterie: Charcutereats / Cake decor + sign: PoppyJackShop Food AreaUmbrella: Sunday supply co / wooden bamboo serving trays: target / salad bowl: target / salad tongs: cravings by Chrissy Teigen / marble board: bed bath & beyond / marble board: wayfair / wooden board: williams sonoma / small wooden bowls: amazon / peach bowl: target / small cheese knives: williams sonoma / large cheese knives: target / large wooden bowl: wayfair Lounge AreaUmbrella: world market / white rug: amazon / jute rug: amazon / pillows: pottery barn, walmart / lounge chairs: home depot / poufs: amazon / coffee table: overstock / table runner: amazon / wooden rainbow favors: michaels / napkins: gearys beverly hills / glasses + plates: vintage The post Beach Picnic Baby Shower Sprinkle appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides. Via Wellness http://www.rssmix.com/via Blogger http://kurtxwarren.blogspot.com/2021/06/beach-picnic-baby-shower-sprinkle.html June 04, 2021 at 10:15AM
Sephora Sale Purchases 2021
Quick post to share what I bought from the Sephora Sale that is going on. I always restock on things I need since the discount is good! Happy Shopping friends!! The discounts are if you are part of their rewards program and code: OMGSPRING living proof Perfect hair Day (PhD) Dry Shampoo: This stuff SMELLS AMAZING and works great. I live on dry shampoo now since I try to wash and do my hair only once a week. The dry shampoo helps me extend my style. summer fridays CC Me Vitamin C Serum: I actually just refilled this recently but if I had been low, I would have bought it now. I use this stuff everyday and love that it’s pregnancy safe. (Ask your dr what products are pregnancy safe I am not a dr!) It smells amazing too.I am a big fan of their whole product line. Also been using their Cloud Dew Oil-free Gel Cream Moisterizer frequently for a deeper more intense moisturizer but I just got a new container so I didn’t purchase yet. saie Slip Tint Dewy Tinted Moisturizer SPF 35 Sunscreen: This is a great clean beauty buy that gives really nice sheer coverage with spf. I use it when I don’t want a makeup face but want to just even things out and wear some spf. Tarte Amazonian Clay BB Tinted Moisturizer Broad Spectrum SPF 20 Sunscreen: This stuff is GOLD. I mix in a few drops of face oil to this to sheer it out and it’s my go to face makeup. The coverage is great. Tarte Tartelette In Bloom Clay Eyeshadow Palette: This is one of my everyday eye palettes. Such good neutrals. I can NOT live without it. I go through them often. I don’t need a new one at the moment but if I was running low I would def add this to my purchase. Becca Shimmering Skin Perfector® Pressed Highlighter: This is my go to highlighter and I am hitting the bottom of my current pan so I needed a refresh on this one. I use it to add highlights to my cheekbones, nose bridge, cupids bow, under my eye brows and the corners of my eyes. Lawless The Baby One Mini Eyeshadow Palette: I have been dying to try out Annie’s epic product line and was waiting for a sale to try this eyeshadow palette. Excited to see what the hype is about. Drybar Detox Dry Shampoo: Another staple dry shampoo. I love to have a few on hand and change things up so my hair doesn’t just get used to one thing. Necessaire The Body Wash – With Niacinamide: This is a new product I see ALL over the internet and feel like it could make my shower experience a little more spa like. Excited to see what the hype is about. Will report back. I got the sandalwood scent. Charlotte Tilbury Mini Airbrush Flawless Finish Setting Powder: Another new product I wanted to try out. Love that it’s a setting powder in a compact so a little less messy than loose powder. Silk Mega Value Slipsilk Scrunchie Set: I am obsessed with these silk scrunchies. I wear them so I don’t make creases in my hair after I blow dry. I have all the skinny ones but wanted to try the bigger ones also. Great value for this set since they are pricey. Ouai Wave Spray: Im running low on this and it’s lasted me forever which I love. I use this to spray on my wet curly hair when I want to air dry it curly. It’s EPIC and smells amazing. Charlotte Tillbury Mini Pillow Talk Lipstick & Liner Set: I have been wanting to try the pillow talk color forever and legit always forget to order it. Trying it this time! Got the mini set so I don’t have to commit to full size. Ouai Heat Protection Spray: This stuff is a MUST have. I am almost out and would cry if I didn’t have it. I use it when my hair is dry and I want to heat style it. I swear it helps hold the style longer and it also smells incredible. The post Sephora Sale Purchases 2021 appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides. Via Wellness http://www.rssmix.com/via Blogger http://kurtxwarren.blogspot.com/2021/04/sephora-sale-purchases-2021.html April 13, 2021 at 04:13PM
Lessons in Love: Practical Advice from the Yoga Mat
By Melissa Bryan Lead With Love
Valentine’s Day 2021 recently passed, and as I sit on the opposite side of that holiday having just taught my high school students to create heart maps to identify the parts of their lives that fill their hearts, and having just finished Romeo & Juliet with some and Great Expectations with others, I find myself reflecting a lot on love and how it works in the universe. Literature helps us question the larger, and perhaps fated, direction of our future existence; story syntax offers us that predictive power. What, however, helps us live those universal governing concepts? How do we practice transcendent and deep love in our present? Yoga teaches us that. These words, “Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu” remind us that love radiates out from us; it is the hope for everyone to have happiness and be free, and the best way to receive love ourselves is through contributing to the happiness and freedom of others. In preparing for my class on Elie Wiesel’s Night this week, I read an excerpt from another Holocaust survival memoir, Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning . The imprisoned Frankl says of love while wondering if his wife is still alive, “I knew only one thing- which I have learned well by now: Love goes very far beyond the physical person of the beloved. It finds its deepest meaning in his spiritual being, his inner self.” Frankl’s expression of love is one that, I think, yogis are after when they chant the line, “Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu.” For him, love is something rooted within oneself, but that simultaneously emits outward, too. It is not another person, it is not formed by the external environment, it is not performative nor dependent, and it is not possible for another to dismantle it; love goes very far from oneself and very far within oneself. Through a yogic lens, love is happiness and freedom, but it is actually more the quiet , persistent way in which we contribute to those experiences for all beings everywhere. If yoga is a state of mind after all, and not an action alone, then one way we might define a yogic transcendence and its necessary counterpart, drawing-inward, is as a practice of love. In fact, the practice of love is so tethered to the yogic state of mind that we are often reminded by our teachers to “lead with love” or “shine our hearts out” as in a great physical effort to manifest that which we chant on the mat and hope to contribute to the world beyond our mats. Much like love, a wildly complicated and muddy emotion, yoga also embraces ambiguity. It is only after many years that one can understand that giving love (happiness and freedom to others) begets love in return, right? Experienced lovers know that love does not rest on another person, nor rely on what others think or feel for them. It doesn’t exist or cease to exist with the comings and goings of people or places, and I think the same is true of yoga. Now, rounding out 20 years of yoga practice, I can finally “sense how all the parts…are involved with each other,” to recall the MoMA’s definition of painting. I might not be sure of love’s every stroke or be able to articulate in words how yoga interweaves body and mind or know how a painting is birthed, but I “sense the parts” and can see the image clearly. Fortunately, over time, we accrue proprietorship over what we see (art), how we practice (yoga), and the way we live (in love). Last night, as I lay in my bed, head under my pillow, blocking out remnants of stray light, I uncovered what seems so special about yoga. It’s the way yoga practically instructs all actions – those actions that are very far from the mat, are duty-bound to the mat. And as I endeavor to “lead with love” on the mat, I find I am able to “shine my heart” toward others at home, at work, on the street, and in every meandering quotidian moment of my day. In darkness, I did indeed sense how the parts of my existence are all “involved” with each other, and then I knew I live a yogic life. A beautiful thought about one’s own selfhood and interrelatedness to the universe to be sure, but what pragmatic tasks allow for an unquestioning acceptance of the cloudy connections between body and mind, love and yoga, mat and street relationships? I might say that the yoga within me, the practice I purposefully cultivate in the studio, has helped me to recognize the thoughts and feelings I want to explore (and let go of the ones I don’t want to caress or nurture any longer) in my mind, in my heart, and certainly on the page. To paraphrase a yogi scholar whose class I weekly frequent: those ideas that come to you on the mat will come back to you; if they are in you, they will be there when you leave. In other words, those unconsciously spawned insights that spontaneously emerge from the diaphragmatic breathing and the kinesthetic asanas on the mat do not desert you when you sit listlessly on your couch at home. The tender, supple intuitions that gather and calm you on the mat begin to permeate every interaction off of the mat. I’m quiet at yoga, and I am quiet at home. You are focused in the studio, you are focused at work. We listen to the teachers while on the mat, we listen to loved ones off of the mat. Continuity is never severed. In essence, then, the physical practice of asana (as well as the focus on spiritual aspects of the practice and attention to ascending chakras) spurs and affords us a mantra-esque framework on which to attach our habitual lives and through which to evaluate and assess those unpracticed and unmindful words, actions, and thoughts. With a little routine and as an earnest pupil, you can train yourself into “yogic thinking” when away from the practice in order to assess how loving your actions, words, and thoughts really are. But, with ample practice and attendance to the discipline, you can miraculously generate a loving automaticity when engaging with yourself on the mat and with others off of the mat. While I have come to the mat time and time again over twenty years to hone my physical practice, it is the words and guidance of my teachers that reverberate throughout my days, throughout many months, and throughout the years. Those words and lessons effortlessly follow and flow from me everywhere and everyday, but that isn’t necessarily true of the asana. Opening Chant When we open class, very often we chant. One opening chant is “Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu.” The chants may change, alter, and repeat, but the class will chant together, and that guidance sets us all up for connection. A first act of love. It is not merely a connection with the people in the class, though, because often one’s eyes are closed and your energy is really drawn inward, but the collective voices do what I remember my children’s yoga teacher training said about the purpose of “Om;” namely, Om, like chanting a phrase, is about seeking a universal vibration. While we are within, we are also without. While we seek the depth of our souls or psyches, we are also hoping to channel, I think, somewhat simultaneously, a union with all things in the universe. We are asking together that all beings are happy and free, and we hope our practice will “contribute” love to them. As they say, “That which we manifest….” It is a pretty powerful moment. As with most openings, the Om or the chant are paired with the setting of one’s intention or dedication. Teachers direct us to practice for another, not for oneself. In my case, while I am on the mat, I tend to have a pretty consistent intention or person to whom I dedicate the practice, but what I realize about intentions, like the practice we have in the physical expressions of asanas, is that they aren’t resolutions nor must they be achieved or won. There are many days when I am not at my best and when I do not have a “steady gaze and steady breath,” and therefore, I move through the flow without a “steady mind.” Some days, I am just a weak, sluggish blob, but I continue to go, set an intention, sing out with my fellow yogis, and I am secure in the notion that my mat intentions, whether I practice mindfully or not that day, are going far without and within nonetheless. How do I know? I know because, as my teachers have said, “everything is connected;” when we leave yoga we feel better, and we act better, and we simply “sense” that connectedness. The opening aspects of a class, the chants and dedications, Oms and intentions, I think are like the heart maps I assigned my students this past February. They encompass all of the pieces of our being – the blissful and the broken. I can put them on a page to read or consider them as I move in class; I may not really know how the pieces are involved with one another, but I sense the picture. I know they make up my heart. All that designs the heart, therefore, is the reason we practice life, just as the intentions we set are why we practice yoga. If we have a bad day or feel blue, we experienced practitioners know that there is no self-damnation, negative narcissism, nor paralytic self-consciousness because our focus was all set for the love of others. There is “no drama, just a lot of rama .” (virtue or chivalry) To quote my same most sagacious – if at times hilariously cantankerous – yoga master:
Practicing Love: Mat Applicability In top-ten, listicle fashion, below is a smattering of some accrued teacherly “isms” that have a useful impact on the mat and off of the mat. These axiomatic expressions constitute the ways in which we can look at and examine our lives as much as our yoga practice. They reposition us in class, but in life as well. They are, hopefully, the gleaned framework that girds our unattended and unloving thoughts. 1. “Set your drishti” When you think about these lines in the context of a yoga class, all of us practicing yogis understand the power of pranayama, the difficulty of balancing poses, the essentiality of managing your thoughts and distancing yourself healthfully from the obsessive eddies of the mind, the uncomfortable and painful dismounts or exits from splits or backbends, and the time to ready yourself for the unsupported and flaccid corpse-like end of class. The whole practice though, and indeed each line shared here, is an exercise in love (being happy and free). Think about applying some of those very same words to your life outside of the studio and off of the mat. Take a moment and really think about those very phrases in the context of your relationships. I hope you will sense the same picture that I have; namely, everything is connected and through yoga, it is pretty simple to practice a more loving life. “Namaste, have a good day.” Extra Reading E ditor’s note: This is a guest post by Melissa Bryan, a Karma Kids-trained children’s yoga teacher, a twenty-year practicing yogi, and a high school English and ESL teacher in New Jersey. She holds an MA in Teaching English, an ESL certification, and she is earning an MA in Creative Writing and Literature. She is also an adjunct professor in Writing and Assessment in ESL, and she is a teacher consultant with the National Writing Project at the Drew Writing Project/Digital Literacies Collaborative in Madison, NJ. Via Wellness http://www.rssmix.com/via Blogger http://kurtxwarren.blogspot.com/2021/03/lessons-in-love-practical-advice-from.html March 22, 2021 at 04:13PM
3 Ways Finding My WHY Helped Me Grow
Let me ask you something…are you confident enough to step into the eye of the storm? Probably not. Let me ask you this…why would you want to step into the eye of the storm? Because that is where the growth is. Or how about this – do you know your WHY? Maybe not. Or this – why do you practice yoga? To be flexible? To be strong? To help with anxiety? Wrong answers! These are not your WHY as to why you bring yourself to your mat or meditation cushion each day. These are the results of practicing yoga. But your WHY is something else. I didn’t know too much about this until I did my teacher training and we did deep transformational work with a “touch of yoga” thrown in, (which in turn ended up being the transformational work without us evening knowing!) Mind. Blown. So, here’s my WHY: ‘To be strong and confident…on and off the mat’ Strong and confident on my mat with my asanas (arm balances, inversions, headstands, handstands – you know, all the fun stuff but all the hard stuff!) Strong and confident off my mat in daily life and the challenges it brings (enter Covid-19 and lockdown!) So, what does my WHY give me? It gives me ease, strength, confidence and guidance, but ultimately peace and happiness. And through peace and happiness I have grown so much more, without that even being the intention of my WHY. Here I’d like to share with you 3 ways finding my WHY helped me to grow, and how finding your why, you too can grow: 1) Perseverance – on the mat Let me ask you this, what is your worst yoga asana? I have a few, ha! (You wouldn’t think I’m a yoga teacher!) For me, here are a couple I find challenging: Because my WHY is to be strong and confident on & off the mat, chanting this to myself whenever I’m faced with a challenging asana has helped wonders with my mind and mental state during a tricky yoga pose. Let’s break down forearm stand, the trickier of the two. You need a whole heck of a lot of shoulder strength and core strength to hold this and keep a straight line. The body needs to be stacked with no banana-shaped back. You need to have open hamstrings in order to walk the legs in and stack the hips in order to come up into forearm stand with control, without kicking up. This is my nemesis. But with these physical challenges comes the mental challenge and perseverance on the mat. ‘To be strong & confident on & off the mat’ – strong in my shoulders and core, strong in my mind (‘I’ve got this, I can totally do this!’), confident in not falling over and if I do, so what? You learn from every fall and it builds you up to grow. So, what’s your challenging yoga pose(s)? Have you thought about your WHY to help you with these poses? 2) Can do attitude – off the mat In life what are your biggest challenges? Is it raising 3 kids all under the age of 6? Or perhaps, juggling work and the kids? Or maybe your dream is to start your own business but you’re worried you are not enough? For me it was the later. I used to do the whole 9-5 thing, but I was lucky, I loved my job (I designed shoes, and still do part-time.) But I always had a feeling that there was more to life. More to me. More to what I can offer the world and what I wanted to be a part of and create. Finding and connecting to my WHY, has 100% given me the belief in myself that I CAN DO THIS. It’s not there all day every day. But when those negative thoughts creep in (which they will do, we’re only human!) I chant back to myself in my mind my WHY, and faith is restored again in myself. 3) Eye of the storm – life’s biggest challenges For me, it was when I was 37. My world stopped. Dealing with grief is such a personal thing, it’s different for everyone. I’ve said goodbye to long-lost family members before as I was growing up. But this was different. This was my mum. My most amazing mum. We lost my mum suddenly to cancer, and my world hasn’t been the same since. This isn’t a post about grief – or how to deal with it. But more so, a blog post about how – even in the most challenging, sickening, confusing, upsetting, heart-wrenching times, in the eye of the storm, we can get through to the sunshine. Or at least, get through to a mild day with blue sky and no more storm. See, life isn’t joyous 100% of the time. Yoga teaches us not to observe life through rose-tinted glasses, yet so often we do. When life decides to turn your world upside down and rip away your mum, how do you cope? Sure, loved ones, friends & family are always there for you. But my WHY helped me on a much deeper personal level. I don’t talk about it with anyone. I haven’t really shared it with my family. It’s for me and me only. And unfortunately, life is going to deliver many more storms to come, it’s out of your control, it’s natural. But how you choose to be when faced with the storm is within your control. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you chose to respond. This is where the growth lies. Or, as Baron Baptiste calls it, “the edge”:
Summary: So, what does my WHY give me? It gives me ease, strength, confidence and guidance, but ultimately peace and happiness. I urge you to find your WHY. And if you don’t know what it is – that’s fine. Explore it, dance around it, then connect and nurture it through your yoga practice, through your meditation practice. Connect to your breath and let your breath guide you. Let the breath connect you–mind and body, body and soul. Let your breath connect your conscious and sub-conscious. Here we will explore and find our WHY. Your Why Yoga: If you have any questions or would like to know more about Finding Your Why, I teach Your Why Yoga – you can get in contact here. ———————- Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Anna from Flamingo Yoga Maya. Anna teaches yoga with a strong emphasis on asking her students to find and connect to their WHY, using it as a driving force to guide them through life. She teaches Vinyasa and Yin, online, and her classes are relaxed and friendly. Anna has also designed a range of yoga tops with built-in towelling to wipe away sweat as you workout – you can shop the collection here. Via Wellness http://www.rssmix.com/via Blogger http://kurtxwarren.blogspot.com/2021/02/3-ways-finding-my-why-helped-me-grow.html February 26, 2021 at 02:13PM
Pregnancy 2 // First Trimester
Figured I would do an update on how the first trimester was for Baby 2! Things have been different and more intense the second time around! Excited to share the details with you below. WEIGHT GAINEDI haven’t tracked my exact weight for JUST the first trimester but at my 16 week appt I had gained 9 pounds which my dr said was normal and on track! I will say the pounds started packing on WAY faster this second time around. Almost to the point I was freaked out. But you have to think that everything is growing and taking shape faster and as long as I am on track with my doctor I am feeling great. It is always also strange coming off fertility treatment into pregnancy because I am not fully myself. I had been doing fertility medication for almost a year and that always adds some start weight. But, like I said, it’s all part of my story. All part of my process. And honestly, the fact that I am here, it all doesn’t matter. I am so grateful to be pregnant and have a healthy baby!! HOW I’M FEELING: PHYSICALLYNauseaGOOD GOD. My nausea was 10x worse this time around. At 6 weeks, I went on diclegis prescription for nausea and took 2 pills at night. Despite being on meds, I still struggled through most of my first trimester with extreme nausea. Luckily I did not have vomiting but man… the nausea was REALLY bad. To be honest with you, none of the “tricks” worked for me either. Sure snacks, small meals, ginger, etc etc but nope. Massive unrelenting nausea. The hardest part about it is that being the mom to a toddler means you don’t have the luxury of resting like you do as a first time pregnant woman. Having to take care of an active child while struggling with feeling ill is miserable. I have to thank Blake for pretty much taking over the minute he would be done with work to help me as I was doubled over on the couch. It was rough. And rough knowing just how long the first trimester is. What I did make sure to do was ALWAYS have a snack in the mid afternoon. If I didn’t have some kind of snack between 2-4pm, I would be even more miserable. Saltine crackers were always on my nightstand along with bold chex mix, and goldfish. Growing painsI experienced some more intense round ligament pain in my groin area this time around. I noticed it mostly at night. Especially when I needed to lawn, or sneeze or make a bigger movement I would get a twitch of pain from it. Pregnancy BrainLike my first pregnancy, pregnancy brain is a REAL THING. I swear the moment I got pregnant my brain turned to mush. It’s hard to explain but I can’t remember anything to save my life. Lol! ExhaustionI was a new level of tired being pregnant and chasing a toddler. Truth be told being in a pandemic didn’t help either. Not being able to take him places etc. I was very tired but the sickness bothered me more than being tired. ConstipationSorry if that’s TMI but wow the constipation was bad this time around. The first month or two was tough and I know it also has alot to do with how much progesterone is in my body. Since I wasn’t drinking coffee after my transfer right away, it was extra tough. I always feel like coffee gets me moving. HA! I know. So much TMI. You’re welcome. Baby bumpThis time around I feel my belly popped out a lot sooner! At 14 weeks I feel I had a tiny little bump. I am sure I will look back and be like, WOW that wasn’t much of a bump but it’s when I felt there was a defined transformation. HOW I’M FEELING: MENTALLYI think similarly to my first pregnancy, after so much loss (with each of our failed embryo transfers) you keep waiting and holding your breath as each week passes you by. Each week it’s own milestone. And you find yourself thinking, “Oh I will feel good once I hear the heart beat!” “Oh I will feel good when I hit the second trimester.” But really, I think there is always a sense of unease as you move through the process. I think it’s healthy to be a little bit nervous. It’s honest. I think things have just been more stressful with the fact that we are still in a global pandemic because of Covid-19. That has put alot of stress on us keeping our family safe during these times and staying as isolated as we can while also being aware of taking care of our mental health. We are very fortunate living where we do to be able to spend time together outdoors and that has been great for the mind and body. Really, I go to bed, and wake up every day just so damn grateful knowing that I am growing life and repeating to myself that I AM PREGNANT. And THIS IS OUR CHANCE. This is our miracle. It’s been such an emotional roller coaster to get to this point and really, despite any outside stressors buzzing around, I am just so grateful and smile so big everyday knowing that next Summer I get to make Otis a big brother. WHAT I’M EATINGFirst trimester for me was CARBS. CARBS and MORE CARBS. Honestly most days I barely had an appetite because of how sick I felt but I know how important it was to nourish my body. So I would basically have to force myself to have my meals. ESPECIALLY when it came to dinner. I had no appetite at all at night. It was bad. That being said, I didn’t have any coffee for weeks. First off because I avoid caffeine after my embryo transfer and didn’t feel comfortable drinking it until after I heard the heartbeat. At a certain point, when my nausea would allow in the am and I was in the mood for coffee, I started to drink it again. I started with decaf but then had some headaches and my doctor always encourages me to have 1 cup of caffeine to help with my headaches. What I was drinking and couldn’t stop was bubble water (or carbonated water) whatever you like to call it. I usually prefer lukewarm drinks but this pregnancy I was craving ICED COLD bubble water. We actually ended up getting this carbonated water maker and we literally use it EVERY SINGLE DAY. For some reason the cold bubble water just helped with my nausea believe it of not. Thankfully eggs were a lifesaver for me and I could tolerate them. My favorite go to breakfast that didn’t make me want to throw up: a piece of toast, a tiny bit of mayo, and a sliced hard boiled egg with salt and pepper. I basically ate that every day. I also had a lot of bagels with cream cheese when I wasn’t feeling great. Food was just tough so we didn’t meal plan as much so I could eat more what I could stomach that day. As the first trimester went on, I was able to eat more regularly. I always try to eat protein for breakfast (like egg) to help really nourish me. I also try to make smarter choices and slip some protein in my afternoon snack. My favorites: string cheese, chocolate covered almonds, toast or apples with almond butter. Don’t get me wrong, some days I have a bowl of chips, a cupcake, or something else that is naughty. I think it’s all about balance and sometimes, you just have to indulge. HOW I’M SLEEPINGFirst trimester sleep was rough. With the waking up to pee almost every night that was one element. It’s likely the hormone changes that always get to me. Last pregnancy I had to take unisom to get some form of normal sleep. Since I started the diclegis at 6 weeks with 2 pills at night, I found that helped me sleep MUCH better. So for now, I am sleeping ok. Some nights are better than others. I do toss and turn alot. EXERCISEI didn’t really work out at all till at least around 10-11 weeks. Of course I was doing my daily walks with Otis etc and getting my steps in and my blood pumping. But I wanted to take it easy and honestly I didn’t have the energy to do anything before then. Starting at 11 weeks I started short 10 minute workouts on my elliptical that we have in our garage and Blake got me for Christmas. I try to do that, or just walk briskly on our treadmill for 10-15 minutes. There are weeks I barely get 1 “workout” if you even want to call it that. Basically I just try to get my blood pumping whether I am walking for Otis’ morning walk or doing something else. I also started prenatal yoga class (virtually online) every week and its been music ot my soul. Great stretching and a great time for me to sit and connect with my body and the baby. It’s something I really enjoyed while pregnant with Otis so it’s a sense of comfort being able to participate even from my computer at home. MEDS IM TAKINGFor most of the first trimester, I stayed on alot of my IVF medications. I stayed on my prednisone steroids till 9 weeks and then weaned down my estrogen patches as well as weaned down to 1 progesterone injection a day. During this time, I did get some hormonal headaches with all the fluctuations but luckily they weren’t horrible and only lasted 2 days. I finally was able to stop all my meds (with the exception of baby aspirin and my diclegis) at my graduation appointment from the fertility clinic at 12 weeks!!! This was a HUGE milestone after literally doing injections and taking medications for almost a year in prep for each of my FET (frozen embryo transfer) cycles. CHALLENGESThe biggest hurdles this pregnancy have been knowing and believing that feeling like crap would likely get better at the end of the first trimester. After a year of hormone meds, and then feeling awful my first trimester, a UTI, a yeast infection from the meds of the UTI (sorry TMI!!) I got to the point where being in my own skin was just frustrating. Being pregnant is a WILD things because your body is completely taken over. It’s beautiful in many ways and also still really emotionally challenging in others. I am so thankful to see the light at the end of the tunnel of the first tri. But anyone else that is “IN IT” my heart hugs yours mamas. It’s tough!! WHAT I’M WEARINGI feel everything comes on sooner with the second pregnancy and the need for stretchy things came sooner. When it comes to leggings, I still wear my pre-pregnancy lululemon align leggings which are high rise and so stretchy as well as my alo leggings that are really soft and a little lower rise. Both still fit comfortably and fit over my growing body. Toward the end of my first trimester, I ended up buying these maternity leggings from beyond yoga and I LOVE them. They feel like second skin and are so buttery soft. They come all the way up over your bump or you can also fold it down to go under. Highly suggest them as they are SO comfy. Also because I don’t leave my house often (because of Covid-19) I wear a ton of sweats. These sets from Michael Stars have been a guilty pleasure because they are SO soft and made of terry material. I also love my sweat set from Tan Lines that Sivan sent over. The material is SO soft and I feel like a cool mom in them. Although Blake made fun of my crop top sweater. HE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT IS COOL!!! I do enjoy wearing more cropped tops when pregnant to let the belly have it’s little bit of room. I did end up getting one pair of maternity denim from jbrand that actually fit great toward the end of my first trimester also. Will report back when I wear them out. Equally stretchy too. I did buy 3 bras from skims that I have been loving too. This scoop bra, this triangle bra and this nursing bra are all GREAT. I wanted to see what the hype was about with this brand and I have to say the materials are ON POINT. VERY comfy. If you plan to order, SIZE UP and size up big time. I got at least size L in everything because my boobs are enormous now and I feel their stuff runs small. I also have a ton of bras from Otis’ pregnancy. From last pregnancy, I have my hatch and bravado bras that I wear weekly also. It’s different for the second pregnancy because you start showing and feeling bigger sooner (at least in my case) so you are in that in between period of not fully having a bump but feeling large and awkward if that makes sense. I have to say, a perk of pandemic life is the fact that I am mostly in lounge wear so I have been able to avoid real clothes for most of the first trimester aside from doctors appointments etc. SELF LOVEFirst trimester was just really challenging with not feeling well constantly. Hard to give yourself self love, in a pandemic, with no childcare help. If anything, I tried to listen to my body, and lay down when Otis was napping and try my best to give my body the much needed rest it was craving. Nearing the end of the first tri, showers and a blow dry were my self care routine and even an at home mani/pedi. Feeling better was already such a treat and allowed me the time to do some other things for myself. I think it’s just so important to listen to your body and slow down when you need it. FIRST TRIMESTER PURCHASESPurchases for me:Beyond yoga maternity capri leggings Summer fridays babymoon belly balm Purchases for baby:Moby mickey wrap (blake bought this for me!) BABY PREPARATIONSSo we didn’t do much to prep for baby in the first trimester except for me sharing our good news with my good friend (and interior design guru) Anne! She helped to plan out the interiors of our whole home including master bedroom, living and dining rooms, and most recently Otis’ nursery. I basically texted her and forced her to dream up Baby #2 nursery ideas so we are currently working on that! IT’S GOING TO BE EPIC. WHAT’S NEXTI am looking forward to more ultrasounds!!!! I can not WAIT for my anatomy scan at 20 weeks to get some more face time with baby. Other than that, it’s check off each week as an incredible milestone and try to remain as active as I can to help get my body strong for delivery again. It’s exciting to near the half mark and be buying things for baby, talking to Otis about the baby and just imagining our life together as a family. I honestly am still in shock everyday. I feel lucky everyday. Our rainbows have brighten out life immensely and I am so excited to continue to share our journey with you all. Big love from all of us. The post Pregnancy 2 // First Trimester appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides. Via Wellness http://www.rssmix.com/via Blogger http://kurtxwarren.blogspot.com/2021/02/pregnancy-2-first-trimester.html February 17, 2021 at 05:13PM
Growing Medical Recognition of Yoga as a Treatment for Anxiety
By Dr. Sat Bir S. Khalsa Perceived stress and anxiety can be a normal and healthy response to life circumstances. But for some, the fast pace and uncertainty of modern society causes debilitating levels of stress and anxiety. Chronic, unmanaged stress hurts our quality of life and is responsible for an increase in health issues and disorders across the world. It is a psycho-social crisis that has been accelerated by the COVID-19 pandemic. Rates of anxiety in the U.S. have more than tripled in the second quarter, from 8.1% in 2019 to 25.5% in 2020. [1] The resulting negative emotions are not only traumatic, but also make our immune systems more vulnerable. Managing these draining emotions is difficult but doable. Exercise, breathing techniques, relaxation and meditation have all been shown to mitigate anxiety. It is no surprise that traditional yoga — a practice that combines all four techniques — is what more people are relying on to manage their anxiety. However, yoga has not received the same level of attention from medical research. That is beginning to change. Health care professionals and researchers, like myself, are finding consensus around why yoga is such a powerful tool for regulating emotions and reducing anxiety. Yoga as a Mind-Body Treatment If anxiety increases, it may start to interfere with everyday activities and overall well-being and thereby meet the criteria for an anxiety disorder such as generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). Mentally, this includes pervasive day-long exaggerated worry and tension, inability to relax, difficulty concentrating, anticipation of disaster and excessive concern about life issues. Patients are unable to control this even though they realize that their anxiety is more intense than is warranted. However, many anxiety symptoms are actually physical, such as muscle tension, trembling, sweating and insomnia. Such symptoms are due to an activation of the fight or flight stress response, which prepares both the mind and body for real or imagined threats by causing significant changes in the body, mind and emotions. Conventional medical treatments for anxiety include pharmaceuticals, which do not necessarily address the underlying causes of anxiety. Psychotherapeutic approaches, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT; considered a gold standard behavioral GAD treatment), do address underlying mechanisms of anxiety in many patients, but they are not effective for all. Both approaches focus primarily on mental aspects of anxiety. Given the physical symptoms of anxiety, it follows that any successful anxiety treatment would be best if it addresses both the mind and body, which is what makes yoga such an effective option. Yoga can address both the symptoms and causes of anxiety, while strengthening the tools needed for emotional regulation. Feelings of anxiety can quickly overwhelm us, leading to an automatic reactivity with no gap, filter or interval for response. Through practice, yoga breaks the patterns responsible for this automatic behavior. The meditation practice component of yoga works on improving self-regulation of the attention networks in your brain. As you gain more skill in the interface between your thought processes and emotion control, you simultaneously become more sensitive and less negatively reactive to your own thoughts and life situations. The physical components of yoga practice work effectively on anxiety symptoms in the body while also impacting mental functioning through the mind-body connection. Overall, these skills make it possible to have a degree of control over our emotional state and how we respond to stressful events. It’s what makes the mind-body practice of Yoga so powerful. Evidence from the Scientific Community Yoga’s positive impact on anxiety and anxiety disorders is supported by a growing body of research. Recent published meta-analyses (review papers summarizing statistical results from a number of previous clinical trials) of yoga for anxiety have concluded that yoga might be an effective and safe intervention for individuals with anxiety disorders or with elevated levels of anxiety. [2][3] Other researchers have found evidence to suggest that yoga for children and adolescents may also reduce anxiety — welcome news given that anxiety disorders are prevalent in younger people.[4] Much of my own research has focused on Kundalini Yoga as a treatment for emotional and physical health. Kundalini Yoga is a traditional yoga practice that incorporates movement, postures, dynamic breathing techniques, deep relaxation, meditation and mantras. It is a yoga style focused on improving physical functioning, self-regulation of mind and body, increased mind-body awareness and enhancement of positive psychological states. These states include feelings of calm, balance, well-being, gratitude, compassion, and ultimately depth of self, transcendence, life purpose and meaning, and spirituality. I have focused on understanding Kundalini Yoga’s efficacy in improving emotional well-being. That work has contributed to a study that showed positive benefits of a Kundalini Yoga treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).[5] I have also researched the potential benefit of enriching CBT with Kundalini Yoga to treat GAD.[6] The results showed statistically significant improvements in state and trait anxiety, depression, panic, sleep and quality of life, demonstrating its potential as a promising treatment for those suffering from GAD. Following positive results of a preliminary study of Kundalini Yoga alone as a therapy for GAD,[7] our most significant research trial of Kundalini Yoga for GAD was published last August in the prestigious Journal of the American Medical Association Psychiatry. This large, rigorously conducted randomized controlled trial assigned patients with GAD to participate in a 12-week intervention of either Kundalini Yoga, CBT or a stress education control condition. Participants attended weekly group sessions and engaged in daily 20-minute home practice sessions. The results showed that Kundalini Yoga was a credible treatment. It was more effective than stress education in treating GAD, though not as effective as the CBT gold standard. Given that conventional treatments of GAD are not fully effective or easily accessible for everyone, these results are encouraging for the use of yoga as an additional treatment for anxiety and anxiety disorders. [8] These findings are important steps toward establishing that traditional yoga (incorporating not just physical exercises but also controlled breathing, relaxation and meditation) is particularly effective at managing stress and emotion. Practice at Home While researchers continue to make the case to the medical establishment for yoga as treatment strategy, nothing is stopping you from using yoga as self-care. One of the many beautiful aspects of yoga is that it requires no special equipment — though a yoga mat is helpful — so there’s nothing to stop you from practicing Kundalini Yoga in your living room. Try a Kundalini sequence or meditation at home whenever you feel worried or anxious. It is always best to learn with a qualified Kundalini instructor to ensure that you are practicing properly, but there are plenty of techniques you can easily perform on your own while socially distancing during the pandemic. For a list of practices that beginners can use, visit https://www.3ho.org/kundalini-yoga/kriya/featured-kriyas. ————————- Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Dr. Sat Bir Singh Khalsa, Ph.D. Dr. Khalsa is the Director of Research for the Kundalini Research Institute, Research Associate at the Benson Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine, and an Assistant Professor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School at Brigham and Women’s Hospital. His research on yoga for mental health in public schools, insomnia, anxiety disorders, and chronic stress; his Harvard e-book Your Brain on Yoga; and the medical textbook The Principles and Practice of Yoga in Health Care which he co-edited, have established him as a world-renowned yoga researcher, collaborator, author, and speaker. [2] Cramer H, Lauche R, Anheyer D, Pilkington K, de Manincor M, Dobos G, Ward L. Yoga for anxiety: A systematic review and meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials. Depress Anxiety. 2018 Sep;35(9):830-843. doi: 10.1002/da.22762. Epub 2018 Apr 26. PMID: 29697885. [3] Hofmann SG, Andreoli G, Carpenter JK, Curtiss J. Effect of Hatha Yoga on Anxiety: A Meta-Analysis. J Evid Based Med. 2016;9(3):116-124. doi:10.1111/jebm.12204 [4] Weaver LL, Darragh AR. Systematic Review of Yoga Interventions for Anxiety Reduction Among Children and Adolescents. Am J Occup Ther. 2015 Nov-Dec;69(6):6906180070p1-9. doi: 10.5014/ajot.2015.020115. PMID: 26565100. [5] Farah Jindani, Nigel Turner, Sat Bir S. Khalsa, “A Yoga Intervention for Posttraumatic Stress: A Preliminary Randomized Control Trial”, Evidence-Based Complementary and Alternative Medicine, vol. 2015, Article ID 351746, 8 pages, 2015. https://doi.org/10.1155/2015/351746 [6] Khalsa MK, Greiner-Ferris JM, Hofmann SG, Khalsa SB. Yoga-enhanced cognitive behavioural therapy (Y-CBT) for anxiety management: a pilot study. Clin Psychol Psychother. 2015 Jul-Aug;22(4):364-71. doi: 10.1002/cpp.1902. Epub 2014 May 7. PMID: 24804619; PMCID: PMC4224639. [7] Gabriel MG, Curtiss J, Hofmann SG, Khalsa SBS. Kundalini Yoga for Generalized Anxiety Disorder: An Exploration of Treatment Efficacy and Possible Mechanisms. Int J Yoga Therap. 2018 Nov;28(1):97-105. doi: 10.17761/2018-00003. Epub 2018 Apr 26. PMID: 29698081. [8] Simon NM, Hofmann SG, Rosenfield D, et al. Efficacy of Yoga vs Cognitive Behavioral Therapy vs Stress Education for the Treatment of Generalized Anxiety Disorder: A Randomized Clinical Trial. JAMA Psychiatry. Published online August 12, 2020. doi:10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2020.2496 Via Wellness http://www.rssmix.com/via Blogger http://kurtxwarren.blogspot.com/2021/01/growing-medical-recognition-of-yoga-as.html January 22, 2021 at 12:13PM
IVF FET Round 4 (Third times the charm) IM PREGNANT!
As I sit here typing the words, “I am pregnant!” it’s words we have been dreaming about for almost a full year now. Literally working toward each month. For a year. My heart can’t stop smiling thinking about it, and I can’t wipe the smile off my face as the tears continue to fall down my face. Tears of happiness. Tears of joy. Tears of past heartbreak. All of it. I have shared a lot of my past infertility journey that brought us to Otis (which you can read about here) and I am committed to sharing our story with you as we experience it. These posts for me have been therapeutic to be able to diary as I have experienced it. Also, please be kind if I go in and out of tense as some of this was written in the moment and some of it after the fact. BEAR WITH ME. This Frozen Embryo Transfer was likely the most important of all of them. It was our last frozen embryo we had in storage. And our last try for a baby. The weight of that was suffocating. After previously going through 3 egg retrievals, after Otis I was left with 3 frozen embabies. Our precious little babies. Of course there are always options to keep going but I am of course already 37 years old and I STRUGGLED to get healthy embryos from my retrievals since my egg quality was pretty poor. I was also unsure if I was willing to undergo the whole egg retrieval process again but this now brought all those thoughts up. What if my last transfer doesn’t work? There was ALOT on our minds. Alot. So looking into our last chance with our last embryo had a lot of weight to it. After looking at our past failed cycles with our doctor, she had an idea to do something completely different. This both excited me and completely TERRIFIED me. But at this point, we really needed to throw it all on the line to put our best foot forward. I trust my doctor so I was willing to go down a new path. I think it’s always important to mix things up because you never know what your recipe for success will be. She wanted to try a “Natural FET cycle” meaning that we would supplement less with synthetic hormones and instead, let my body lead the way naturally and then only supplement with less hormones closer to embryo transfer. Since I have had issues getting a thicker lining with all the synthetic hormones, we were curious to see how my body does completely on it’s own. So the goal would be, track my natural cycle in a “mock” cycle where we were only doing bloodwork and ultrasounds to gather information and track my cycle. No embryo transfer. Just tracking for research. I was IN. Tracking my Natural CycleThe process would be, wait till cycle day 3 of my period and come in for a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork at my fertility clinic. Then for me to do at home ovulation kits to track my ovulation at home as well as come in for multiple scans to see how my eggs were growing and tracking it with kits, bloodwork and ultrasound. In doing this, we found that my lining naturally looked FREAKING AMAZING. WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN. Basically my lining looked the best it ever had and I was almost upset this was a mock cycle and not a real one. That is how good my lining looked. After we confirmed ovulation with both my at home kits, and ultrasound and blood work, doctor also confirmed that my estrogen tends to dip a little low after ovulation so that is where we want to supplement a little more in our real cycle. Good to know! Also, we were excited to decide we would lock into a natural FET cycle and we were doing this!!! Of course we also tried naturally that month to get pregnant and of course it didn’t happen. So we were on our way to our Natural FET cycle with my next period. Natural Cycle FETI started my cycle on the 3rd day of my period and came in for a baseline check. The did an ultrasound to make sure I didn’t have any cysts on my ovaries and did blood work to check my hormone levels. The plan was to do at home ovulation kits and wait for high and peak results. The kits I use first tell you when your levels are HIGH and then tell you when it’s PEAK which is right before ovulation. So it was about 2 weeks until I went in again just for a check. Things were actually looking farther along than last cycle so we did more blood work and she suspected I would be getting close so I would come back in 2 days. In 2 days, my body was READY! Those eggs were growing perfectly and when we checked my hormones I was ready to go!! IT WAS INSANITY. I was expecting to have a much longer cycle again but this was flying by holy crap. I waited for blood work to confirm but that night I did my trigger shot! The trigger shot would confirm my exact embryo transfer timing. My lining was the best it’s ever looked! It looked “lush and juicy” in the words of my doctor and she was so excited about how great it looked that she printed me out a photo. I had that good trilaminar appearance to it as well which is all very positive. Things were looking amazing for my natural cycle and I was excited the doctor was as hyped as I was about it. I knew that if things didn’t look great, we could always cancel and try again but we were doing this!! One week before I did my trigger injection which would trigger ovulation and set the wheels into motion for my embryo transfer. I started my progesterone 5 days before transfer and my other meds 3 days before. Progesterone this time was 1 injection and 1 suppository at night. I literally forgot how horrible those suppositories are. Basically it’s a compounded version of progesterone that looks like an oversized pill that you shove up your lady parts at night. But the aftermath is that is oozes out kind of slowly over time. Sorry TMI but damn they are GROSS. They just really end up making me feel very uncomfortable and I much prefer the injections which I know sounds INSANE. I started WAY less other hormones 3 days before. 2 estrogen patches and then my normal protocol of antibiotics, claritin, pepcid, baby aspirin, and medrol. After the medrol was finished I would start my prednisone. So all the meds were mostly the same as my medicated cycles in the past but just a lot less of them since we were working with my own body’s goods. We did one last appointment on Friday before my Monday transfer to make sure all my hormones were looking good and that lining was also looking good. I think my nerves were running high. The appointment went great and everything looked ready. Hormones and lining looked good. I got to the checkout desk and was scheduling my pregnancy blood drawl test and 2 of my nurses came over to wish me luck at my transfer. I lost it. I feel awful to have been crying at the desk as I am sure anyone in the waiting room could hear me. But wow. The gravity of everything was hitting me. I desperately needed this to work. It was our last precious embryo and I was a hot mess of emotion. I thought I had it all together, I was feeling so good and positive, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t FEELING. Just such a vulnerable moment. Losing your shit. In public. But damn, infertility is hard as fuck. It’s really fucking hard. And going to battle and being knocked down every time takes its toll. I left the office tissues in hand. When I got to my car, I decided to change the script. Yes we had 1 more chance but that 1 chance is a blessing. EMBRYO TRANSFER DAYOf all my transfers, this one was one for the books. My smile was bigger waking up. I was more hopeful. I laid out my rainbow shirt, my cozy warrior socks, and I sat excited to start my day and move a step closer to expanding our family. I blow dried my hair, which in Covid times, is a big deal. I wanted to feel good. Look good. Be the light I needed this day. Blake, Otis and I packed up to leave. Because of Covid-19, he was not allowed in for my transfer but he would drop me off and be there waiting. As I was getting in the car, I noticed 3 morning doves walking through our garden. It was the sign I needed that morning. Third time’s the charm. I couldn’t knock the smile off my face after that. Despite the fact that destructive fires were raging through my part of Southern California, my sister was evacuated from her home and it smelled horribly of smoke even outside of our own home, I was positive. Nothing was going to ruin this day for me. When I got to the clinic, it was business as usual. Take my valium and I filled out all my forms etc and before I knew it I was back in the room getting ready. I always play music on my phone and this time I put on my Summer Salt playlist for some good vibes. The embryologist came in, shared good news about our thawed 4AB embryo and confirmed it was our last normal embryo. My doctor came in shortly after. A speculum, a catheter and a few quick minutes later and the embryo was in! Watching it on the screen happen via ultrasound is truly a sureal experience. And just like that, we did it. I had my lucky socks on keeping me cozy and I also brought a few ribbons with me from a gift as a good luck charm. Channeling hope and love through every moment. I had asked Blake if he could give me an affirmation each day after my transfer to keep my spirits high and keep my hopeful heart in the right direction. I didn’t know he was going to give me something on the day of my transfer but before I had walked in, he gave me my first affirmation from him and Otis. I got to open it as I sat alone waiting for the doctors and nurses to come in. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. “The pain that you’ve been feeling can’t compare to the joy that is coming” <3, Blake + Otis Never underestimate the power of a small gesture to make someone’s heart just so happy. Blake picked me up and we drove home to for me to get cozy in bed, eat my lunch, and take a much needed nap. Since I take valium to relax me before my procedure, I always need a good nap that day to sleep everything off. 2WW (The Two Week Wait)This time period is the dreaded “TWO WEEK WAIT.” Technically it’s 10 days after my transfer that I can go in for my beta blood work to measure my HCG levels and find out if I got pregnant from my transfer. So let’s start from the beginning of those 10 days. My first 3 days (including transfer day) were bed/couch rest. So basically hang in bed, have Blake bring me all my meals and snacks and just BE CHILL and BE HAPPY. In order to prepare for this and make it easier for Blake, who took time off of work to watch and care for myself and Otis, I did our meal plan for bedrest and planned some of my favorite meals to enjoy during this time. Also a tradition on transfer day for me is to enjoy a bagel with sundried tomato cream cheese and cucumber in bed while I watch Father of the Bride. I do this every time. It’s just part of my “happy” process. We had to keep my door closed since bed rest and a toddler don’t mix. Of course Otis and Blake could come in to say hi every once in a while, but the important thing was for me to be chill and mellow. So I binged my fav rom coms in bed, took some naps, and thought positive thoughts. I also facetimed Otis for every meal so I felt part of the family even stuck in bed. Love that technology could keep us together at meal time. This also made me happy to see Otis’ sweet face. On day 4, I was allowed to resume normal activity as long as I refrained from any strenuous and no working out at all. Also, no lifting my toddler. That one is difficult! But I am so thankful to have Blake working from home to help me lift him in and out of his crib during this time. So we took things easy, and kept myself busy hanging with Otis daily and waiting. During the 2ww I was also tracking my body like a HAWK. What was I feeling? How was I feeling? Were these signs of pregnancy? Were these signs of my period? Anyone that endures the 2WW becomes obsessed with any small symptoms they might detect and wonder WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN. I am telling you, it’s maddening. The problem is, with each transfer, all the symptoms are almost identical for pregnancy OR getting your period. Seriously. It’s a mind fuck excuse my French but it is. And comparing my symptoms to my last 2 failed FET, they were similar. So how was I supposed to know if it was good or bad? There was just no way to know. I had the slight cramping. I had the sore boobs. I had the bloating. Basically all the symptoms all week. I started those 10 days mellow and cool as a cucumber but as the days passed by… the anxiety started to rise. 9DPT (9 Days Post Transfer)As I sit here on Nov 4th, my anxiety level is at an all time high with the election still lingering with no clear cut winner and a pregnancy test lingering. Chalk it up to massive PTSD but wow the nerves are hitting me today. I know what is done is done, and I know my results will share just that. But this time, it’s all on the line. As the day went on the anxiety rose. I ended up doing a mediation in my calm app and taking a nap when Otis took a nap. I needed that release. Later in the day after dinner, I went to the bathroom and I swear when I wiped, I had a slight light pink streak. I freaked out. Could this be my period??? We were getting Otis ready for bed and I was sitting in his rocking chair waiting for him and Blake to come into the room and I just broke down. Hysterically ugly crying I said to blake, “Im so nervous.” Tears streaming. Uncontrollably. I think in this moment I realized that while my level of optimism was high, there was still 2 possible outcomes… and now I was freaking out. Sadly I made Blake stress out too but damn guys. I just lost it. While the 2WW is always an excruciating time for people going through fertility treatment, the day before blood test was high up in the worst days ever. After we got Otis down for bed, we binged some 90 Day Fiance before the 90 days to get our minds off the baby topic. And then tucked ourselves in with our nightly meditation. I have the Hatch Restore and it’s been a great part of my daily routine. You can select custom meditations to play before bed and then play your sound machine music. It’s helped to set a good intention for me before bedtime. Setting my mind in the right space has been such an important thing to focus on throughout this experience. 10DPT + Pregnancy Blood TestI think Blake and I barely slept the night leading to my blood work. I woke up and got ready to go and made sure to pee in a cup for Blake. I NEVER go into my bloodwork without doing a HPT (home pregnancy test) because I do not want to find out blind from a phone call if I don’t have to. So I peed in the cup and left. Right when I leave the door, Blake does the pregnancy test for me. He is a GOOD man. So thankful he does this for me. I do this so that we have results but I don’t know until after my blood work so that I am in good spirits at the doctors office. I headed in for my quick blood drawl and I was back into my car eagerly texting Blake. Because of the stress and PTSD… I texted Blake, “Negative?” and he texted me, “Are you sure you wanna know?” and I said yes. “You are PREGNANT!” I swear when I read it… I blacked out. LITERALLY BLACKED OUT. I immediately video chatted with Blake while uncontrollably and hysterically crying. HYSTERICAL. I was in complete shock. Blake asked, “Are you excited???” Since he was clearly confused by my tears of utter shock. OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It seriously took me some time to calm down. It was literally unbelievable. After 1 cancelled cycle and 2 failed transfers…. I finally got a positive home pregnancy test. It was a fucking miracle. Now to wait for the actual blood results. The nurse called me later in the day to share the good news and I was just so relieved not to get that familiar phone call from my doctor. The PTSD is so real when it comes to every part of this process. My levels looked GREAT and I would come back in 2 days to make sure my beta HCG levels were going up. My levels 2 days later looked great again. It was official!!!! I would go in next week for my 5 week ultrasound. At this point, we had our trip to Alisal scheduled btw my blood work and my ultrasound appointment so it was the perfect midweek time to literally celebrate our new found news together as a family. But also gave us so much excitement to know after our short trip, I would come home to an ultrasound appointment to SEE OUR BABY. 5 Week Ultrasound AppointmentLeading up to each milestone is like a wave of anxiety following with you. Of course I am hopeful, happy, excited but when you have this many problems getting pregnant, I forgot just how much anxiety I had leading up to each weekly appointment. Being in such a pattern of heartbreak and disappointment you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. But wow. What a milestone. I headed in for my appointment and the doctor said, “There it is! Right where I left it!” I breathed a sigh of relief as we looked at the little circle that was our baby on the ultrasound machine. She explained that my appointment for 6 weeks we MIGHT be able to hear the heartbeat but to not freak out if we didn’t because we still had our 7 week appointment to hear it. So now we just waited for the next week. I still am continuing all my meds: 2x a day progesterone injections, 2 estrogen patches changed every other day, and my daily anti-inflammatory protocol meds (prednisone, claritin, pepcid ac and baby aspirin). 6 Week Ultrasound AppointmentAt this appointment I got to see the flickering of the heart!!!! BIG BIG FEELINGS!!! No sound yet to detect but it was a great sign to physically see the heartbeat. At the start of 6 weeks is when my extreme nausea began. It was much worse than my pregnancy with Otis. I started diclegis (2 pills at night) to help combat my nausea and help me to function as a mom to a toddler. 7 Week Ultrasound AppointmentWE GOT TO HEAR THE HEARTBEAT!!!!!! Such a milestone to experience. An exciting week for growth. Another positive is that after 1 week of taking diclegis, I was starting to finally feel a bit better. The meds definitely took time to kick in for me. It was not immediate relief. 8 Week Ultrasound AppointmentGrowth was all good! Feeling overall much better since starting my meds as well. 9 Week Ultrasound AppointmentScan went great and I got to decrease my meds to the below! 1 progesterone injection a day The nausea seemed to be creeping back late afternoon and just was not feeling great from afternoon to dinner time. I lost my appetite at night and it was hard to really get down any dinner. Lots of exhaustion and going to be early this week. Its the week I felt the WORST. Even despite being on the diclegis at night. But starting 10 weeks and 2 days I started to feel alot better again. 10 Week Ultrasound AppointmentStarting to finally feel better overall. But WOW. Massive exhaustion and just feeling so tired all of a sudden. Zero energy. Blake also said, “you look tired” so there is that. HA! Scan looked good and growth is on track! We also did our genetic testing blood work that looks for genetic disorders as well as can signify gender (even though we already know) and will await those results. The nice thing is we already know we have a healthy genetically tested embryo but to be thorough we alway do this blood work regardless. And as always, each step is still nerve wracking as we move forward. 11 Week Ultrasound AppointmentOur little one is really starting to look like a baby on the ultrasound!!! Funny how things grow so quickly each week and really start to transform. Everything is looking great and finally weaning down meds again. VERY exciting. No more patches I was feeling pretty good overall and not sick. But still very tired as the day drags on. Since dropping the meds, I started to get a hormonal headache which lasted for 2 days. Luckily it passed quickly and is likely due to the fluctuation of my hormones from stopping certain meds etc. I do have the occasional nausea at night so I make sure to be having smaller meals as well as some protein snacks throughout the day to try to curb the nausea if I can. 12 Week Ultrasound Appointment with My GynocologistHOLY CRAP I made it to my gyno appointment. Because of the way the holidays fell this year (both Christmas and New Years) I was able to do my 12 week with my Gyno and then do my Fertility clinic 12 week the following week. I hope to be able to graduate next week from my fertility clinic but time will tell. Or should I say, my bloodwork will tell. At my appointment I had a lengthy ultrasound to see baby. GUYS!!!! The tech said the baby was so accommodating and was literally showing off the most perfect little angles for photos. She was able to get some really cool 3d renderings of baby that you see above. SO. FREAKING. COOL!!! Everything looked great. Heartbeat is great. All great! I next met with the nurse practitioner, since I don’t see my doctor on my first appointment, and went over some basics and then I was on my way to get my prenatal blood panel. And that’s it! Such a milestone heading to my first obgyn appointment. In terms of how I am feeling, let me tell you the nausea is creeping right back at night so around dinner time to bedtime I am kind of feeling miserable again. But I know that soon enough things will level out and I should be feeling much better over all again. I am so glad to still be taking the diclegis or I would REALLY feel like crap. Thank you modern medicine. Regardless of feeling crappy, I know it’s all for a good cause so you won’t find me complaining… that often What’s Happening NowWe obviously have a long road ahead of us and many milestones to achieve with our precious little baby. I feel each week, you look at the next and think, “Wow! I will feel much better at “X” week.” Then “X” week hits and you will feel better and more confident the NEXT week. So many nerves when it comes to pregnancy at least for us around here. What I can say is we are so hopeful and with every week our hearts just grow bigger as the baby grows. Because of my appointments falling over the holidays, I have my 12 week appointment at my fertility clinic next week a little bit late and we are HOPEFULLY it will be my graduation day!! Hopefully all my levels look great when we do my bloodwork and I can finally stop all my medications. My fingers will be crossed for that moment. I told my doctor I will be happy when I never have to see her again. HA! I know that sounds mean but she TOTALLY understood what I meant. I see Dr. Moayeri at OC Fertility and her office works through the CCRM facility in Orange County. I can’t say enough good things about them if you are on the hunt for a doctor. Also have seen Dr. Sachdev there many times who is equally lovely. To have gone through all of this infertility journey during normal times would have been excruciating and add in a global pandemic, thanks to Covid-19, it added an extra layer of complexity to everything. To think of all the women, going to their appointments alone, going through procedures alone… it just breaks my heart. Especially those going through it for their first time. These times and these struggles have only confirmed something I have found out through having Otis: That I have more courage than I could have ever thought possible. This process has almost been more excruciating knowing what a light and joy it has been to be a mother to Otis. It’s hurt extra hard knowing that we may never be able to give Otis a sibling. To be given the joy and privilege of being a mother the first time was my biggest dream come true. And to be given that opportunity again, I am just crying tears of joy. Over. and Over. And over again. It still feels sureal to think we are on the other side of this. Everyday I wake up and go to bed, looking at the ultrasound photo next to my bed, and the inspiration quotes Blake typed out for me that I still have hanging on a string on my wall. And the photo of our precious embryo and the photo of our actual transfer. Everyday I count my blessings. So coming this July 2021, Otis will become a big brother. And for that, Blake and I will never stop smiling. I know how triggering a pregnancy announcement can be to those still struggling through their infertility or trying to get pregnant naturally. But know that miracles happen. And that most of all, when it might seem the darkest, hope remains. I hope through hearing our story, you know you are not alone going through infertility. It’s true that the storm is indescribable but the rainbow is always worth the struggle. My heart is with you all. Otis pajamas in these photos are from my collaboration with Clover baby & Kids. It’s obviously VERY special since both Otis and our future little baby will be our little rainbows of joy. You bet I have ever size in there for when baby #2 comes to join us. You can use code: OTIS for 20% off most items if you want to celebrate your own little rainbow baby with me. Shop here. The post IVF FET Round 4 (Third times the charm) IM PREGNANT! appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides. Via Wellness http://www.rssmix.com/via Blogger http://kurtxwarren.blogspot.com/2020/12/ivf-fet-round-4-third-times-charm-im.html December 30, 2020 at 05:13PM |